There are many insides of me I want to talk about. But just so you know, I'm as raggedy as a raggedy-ann doll: Ragdoll. And nothing you can say can change this fact. Bruised and beaten up on several times each day, the only time when I feel myself stitched together with good intentions is when I see that smile on your face..

I've been so busy.. One phrase to sum it all up: Glad I'm still alive.

Hoboy, work is good for now. I haven't got to worry about stuff much because things are 1/2 done, and expect to finish my lesson plans by Saturday. Tomorrow is the killer, whereby I will be meetin Jes up to finish up powerpoint slides for the presentation on Tuesday, along with our summary for chapter 30 of our textbook. Not looking forward to anything except the biggest ass break. I'm looking at December or maybe October to go out on a vacation or chalet or something. Life now is just so tiring. Even Sum agreed with me. :/

Ok, time for dinner.

The Dalai Lama’s Instructions for life:

Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.

Follow the three R’s:
- Respect for self.
- Respect for others.
- Responsibility for all your actions.

Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

Don’t let a little dispute injure a great relationship.

When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

Spend some time alone everyday.

Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.

A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.

In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.

Share your knowledge. It is a way to achieve immortality.

Be gentle with the earth.

Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.

Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

—	The 14th Dalai Lama of Tibet

I have been meaning to blog but well, constipation of the mind and procrastination of the body are my excuse for leaving this space in jigsaw puzzles. :/ Life's been happening (all around).

Settling in to the new job: Not quite there yet.
Money coming into the bank: Not quite there yet.
Assignments to be done: Nothing done yet.
Clearing my food cravings: Not even near yet.

Life pretty much suck at the moment. But it isn't so bad because whatever I'm going through, he's doing his best to stand by me. Hooray for that. :)) And well, most of my meals have been covered by him. So I'm feeling guilty about spending his money, and hopes that payday comes immediately so I can compensate him of his monetary loss.

Made mash potatoes yesterday and ate quite a bit of it. So now, my tum's full of gas. Never attempt to eat more than 1 bowl of mashed potatoes. Not good.

Happy Birthday CZC. May our friendship thrive till the end of time. :D Cheers and kudos to you (and you girlf).

ALL ITEMS INCLUDE MAILING FEES WITHIN SINGAPORE. Cheap Cheap!!

Have lots of brand new clothing from my previous trip. Hope to sell them off asap to save some space at home.

Hello you sick thing.

I hate you, and your blank promises. They just never happen.

Nuff' said.

So what if I'm sick and pale, coughing my lungs out? I'm not dwelling in any self pity here, boy.

I want to join a book club. Maybe something like Jane Austen's Book Club, and pretend I'm crazy about literature when 1/2 the time, I find it confusing. :D

I've been in the foulest mood the past 3 days. Having been in a huge quarrel with Lev, almost resulting in a break-up. But all I can say is.. Bad things pass, good things come my way. I won't say anything good has happened, except that a few random houseflies have had disappeared from my life and I say GOOD RIDDANCE!

Spent the entire day with Lev. How long has it been since we've spent a day together and not go through any squabble?
Feels like an eternity.

These days, it isn't easy to find someone who has the amount of patience and understanding than that of an aptitude that Lev has. And I am a really lucky girl. :) Wondering what things would've been like if I didn't agree to go out with him in the first place...

When it comes to relationships, maybe we’re all in glass houses and shouldn’t throw stones. Because you can never really know. Some people are settling down, some are settling, and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.

So, I've been to the specialist's clinic today to have my nose checked. Will just skip the story part of it all. So... *insert story of the process here* Oh yeah, the doctor is very very power in english, and he kept going on and on about nasal tracts, etc etc. AND, he used a long metallic instrument, and applied some smelly medicine inside my nose (both nostrils). OMG. Stinks... so bad. It makes me tear.

I kind of enjoyed this week at work. Though I wrote an essay length of an email to my boss, stating my anger and unhappiness and disappointment towards my workplace and the people in it. And got 2 emails from her, as her reply. So, yeah. I understand she has a difficulties and all, but she said she went by book, which I thought was disgusting. Because, come on! We all know you don't.

I'm actually in class right now, and I'm sitting alone today (by choice). Jean's playing bejeweled, Jeslin's playing Texas' Holdem', pamela's on facebook, cheryl's busy with her stuff. Yeah, I'm sitting behind, so I can see what everyone's doing with their laptops. Haha. =X

I'm feeling really tired today. Its the time of the month.. and I seem to be low on mafia energy. =(
Craving for some subway and cookies. :/

And for Melissa, because she says so: visit http://pinkdotsg.blogspot.com/ and support the cause. Everyone's got the freedom to l-o-v-e.

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

-Maya Angelou

So how did I make you feel today?

Watched Wolverine at Westmall, 7:25pm. It was good... at some parts. I thought the retarded part was how simple it was to defeat the enemy. Ok, you should watch it when you have the time (because I didn't felt I had much time to spare the past 1 week).

Time is of the essence, they say. No essence when you have no time, dumb.

NUFC is gonna be relegated, and somebody's gonna be feeling really disappointed. I am too, I mean, being someone who has watched them play a few matches. Shit. =((

Work starts all over again tomorrow. 2 more weeks with my kids. I don't really know how to face them on my last day, but I will definitely miss them. Its a bittersweet thing leaving the place. And hopefully, my decision is right.

I am 2 parts drunk, 1 part sane, 7 parts dead tonight. I feel so tired, and sad that the weekend is over.

Planning something the coming weekend. Hoping that Lev will be free to spend it with me or something. We haven't quarrelled this weekend, and it is good because it feels like how we started out in the beginning - fresh, young things. Maybe its because of work and responsibilities, that's why we're always so flustered, angry and easily irritable.

you, yes you. i know that at times, waking up everyday is tiring. it’s not easy, to find in every moment, something inspiring. every cycle of the clock brings nothing new, only the same hoops to jump and run through. longing for moments that make your heart beat faster, but all that ever happens is one after another disaster. you try to fool yourself, that with that acquired possession, my life will be complete. just know that greed has an impossible standard to meet. and there may be times when you think u r happy. and other times, you find out that you’re actually u n happy. it’s not easy to remember that others have problems too. some of them have more problems than you. it’s not hard, for life to bring you down, but you can’t hug with arms crossed, nor kiss with a frown.

Its been a big week with many big things going on. Work school life... I can't wait for the next break.

I didn't go to work today. Yes I didn't. The big fat fact was waking up at 6am, puking my intestines out and feeling a spinning globe in my head wasn't very pleasant. The other newton fact was having a nose bleed thrice the past 1.5 weeks. Yes, miserable miserable. And My suede shoes are so not here yet. Most likely lost in the mail, and that really saddens me.

I visted the doctor about 8:50am. Waited for 15 minutes, went in, got a temperature and quoted by the doctor "...You haven't been sleeping have you?" Yeah, I've been sleeping. Sleeping probably 3 to 5 hours the past 3 nights. I am just really tired. My eyes wanted to fall out when I opened them this morning. Having said that, I bawled last night, so it made my eyes hurt even worst! So, now all I have to say is, I need to sleep. For a moment, I didn't want to go to school either. But I don't want to miss anymore classes, because I never really know what is going on. If I skip anymore, it'll be a waste of time, effort and money.

When the world beats the daylights out of you, try not to stay in coma too long. It never works out. I just want to stop staying 'vegetable' and start functioning normal.

I need a kiss and a really tight hug right now.

=/

I can hear the little badass in me telling me to just give up making an effort to make things better for myself. I tell myself "Do it tomorrow..." and the big problem is tomorrow never happens, because I procrastinate to a point where I find myself disgusting.

I'm not meant for public transport. I got on the bus, slipped while coming down the steps, manage to catch myself before I fall and slipped when I walked down the bus onto the bus stop platform. Just how smart is that? Time to visit Cotton On for my comfy flip flops (and maybe a few other stuffs).

I realised that the things I write here, and the style I have here is just totally different from my usual normal persona. I feel like the ultimate bimbo on livejournal, and it kinda makes me really proud for being one, because I know in real-life, I despise bimbotic people and will never have people see me as one. Hahahaha, oh well. *waves to Pamela the camela* Welcome to my little abode, Flyinglynn.

Class happened really quickly. I didn't really feel I was there, but perhaps that's a good thing, after going through all the crazy stuff in the day - work and school assignments... Blah. =/

And you can't rid of the fact that I like to write about anything that is on my mind this damned moment.


I can feel the rain even though its not raining. I can feel the tears even when I'm not crying. I can feel it all. I can... Its just a lash of that moment that flashed inside my head, and I know so factually how it is gonna feel. I will be broken into pieces. And these pieces will morph into shards of mirror pieces. It will hurt you like that of a giant cactus prick. And you will cry tears of crimson.

The drama in all of us... So how will you want this story to end?

In the years afterward, I fled whenever somebody began to understand me. That has subsided. But one thing remained: I don't want anybody to understand me completely. I want to go through life unknown. The blindness of others is my safety and my freedom.

-Pascal Mercier, Night Train to Lisbon

Yesterday, I watched 17 Again with Lev. Sometimes, when I talk of this name, the fire in me burns madly. I get mad, somehow. Because I know we don't get along as well as we used to. We get pissed at each other easily. Tolerance for so-called "mistakes" has reached a new low. And it just makes it so clear to me how different we really are, no matter how alike we may seem. The gap is getting bigger after each quarrel or argument. I used to be the one who'd give in first because I don't like to go through all the quarrels. Now, I'm usually the cause of it. Or, the butt of the cigarette.
 

Pour all this out in a flask. Half full? Half empty? Often, the cynicism drives me nuts.

What is it that we are really pursuing? A future? A life together? Or are we just dragging each other down the drainpipes with our high hopes? Is this just insufferable? Are you crazy? Am I crazy?

The kids are pissing my co-teacher today. I might just be as pissed when I have my lesson with them later. I just cannot be in a bad mood when I'm at work. Fortunately, I usually do not bring my private life to work. Hoping today will not be an exception.

I have gifts from Thailand which I've yet to distribute to people. Its piling up on my table... Oh wait, its my yet-to-pack table. Somewhere under that pile of mambo jumbo, is a really nice table. I just can't find the energy to do the packing. I know I'll have lots of stuff to trash. Changing work environments is making me a little nervous, excited, anxious. I don't know what to look forward to, or whom I can trust. Its like starting over again. I don't like it, but somehow, I know I deserve all this. Hope I get the incentives when I go there. :D

Gonna be a tough week the coming 2 weeks. Hoping to go on a picnic on Friday. I have big plans, but I have so little power.

Payday, please come soon.